The Bird Thing

Okay, here’s the story:

I heard some squeaking outside and I thought it was a cat asking to be let in, so I opened the door and I saw Prada with a bird in his mouth. He looked at me and I closed the door quickly then locked it.

That’s where the story should end, but I’m an idiot.

I thought twice, and opened the door, shooed the cat away and picked up the bird with a towel. I brought it into my room and set it on the floor, still wrapped in the towel and then remembered that I know nothing about birds and that I was going to school in a few hours and couldn’t do anything with this jerk. I thought maybe his neck was snapped or his wings were broke, because every other animal that I’ve rescued from cats is a few minutes from death. I hoped maybe this was the same, but NO. This jerk flies in to my window the second my back is turned! He proceeds to lose an eyeball (ohmygod it was so gross) and ram himself into the window over and over.

I took the towel he had been wrapped in and tried to catch him so that I could put him back outside, because honestly, at that point I didn’t care if he got eaten. Birds are as dumb as they look. He was snapping and my fingers and making demon noises, so I sat back for a second to let him calm down, and asked for advice on facebook. Everyone said: “let him out.” Thanks guys. Advice of the century.

THEN as if things couldn’t get worse, all of the cats started to gather around my porch door and under the window, so this idiot bird starts flying around before settling under my bed. I brought the cats inside, opened my porch door and shook the bed to scare him out from underneath. The freak ran into the window two more times before figuring out that the door was open and flying into a tree.

He forgot his eye on the window sill.

Did you know birds bleed purple blood? It dries brown, but it comes out purple. It’s easier to clean up when it’s dry.

I thought today was going to be exciting, not terrifying.