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Yesterday was the worst day of my entire exchange. I’m going to steal pictures from other people’s blogs because I was to distraught to do naught but film.

Here is some context for the day I’m about to talk about

Thursday: Signing of the flags

Friday: Saying goodbye to Perth. 

Afterwards I went home with Brooke and helped her pack a bit. She gave me a bunch of stuff that was weighing her suitcase down and now I’ve got Aussie stickers and a really cool Aussie lanyard and summer clothes that will remind me of her everytime I wear them. I almost don’t want summer to come now. 

That night I slept over at McKenzie’s house and while we were falling asleep she asked me to tell her my life story, but she fell asleep halfway into it. I hope she’s reading this right now.

<USA?

Saturday: Went on a walk with McKenzie because it SNOWED!!! < jk 

< I ate some

I lost my SL card on the walk and now I’ve got to get a new one in a mail. Meanwhile I can’t really go anywhere. I was supposed to go to school on Monday for my Natural Science class, but when I woke up I couldn’t make myself go outside and walk all the way to school in the cold for a class that I hate, sit there for an hour, and then walk all the way back home. Google maps says it would have taken me well over an hour, and I’m a slow walker, so I’m going to say it would have taken me two, making adjustments for getting lost. Uphill both ways. Through the snow. With wolves chasing us. We didn’t even own shoes. 

Later that day I met up with McKenzie, Tanner, Narain, and Abigail. We ate deep dish pizza from Pizza Hut (it was amazing, fyi. Everyone told me Pizza Hut was a bad idea and that Swedes couldn’t do it right, but they were wrong.) and then went to Max for ice cream. I called my papa and talked to him for a while which was SUPER DUPER COOL! I miss talking to my parents on the phone. Skype is different. I just want to be able to call my friends and tell them pointless things and send them pictures of things that remind me of them and I just want to go home, only I don’t because I don’t want to go back to working two jobs or my life with my monotonous high school schedule from 8:00 to 3:20 and I would like to go on EuroTour right now and then return home for college. I’m so jealous of the Australians. Jerks. 

We told our parents about this live camera in Stockholm that shows the weather, and then we went to it and stood in front of it so that our parents could see that we were still alive.

      < we’re the group standing in front of the circle thing < sick photo of me high fiving tanner < trying to figure out where the live cam is

 < Abigail and Tanner touching a heated statue’s belly

 

 <waving at the camera

 < <hot hot hey we got it, hot hot woah we got it, hot hot yeah we got it, HOT CHOCOLATE

Sunday: I hate this day. I don’t want to talk about this day. I’m going to anyway because I don’t know how else to get over it.

We woke up at 4:45, and I threw some clothes on and ate a piece of half frozen bread which I later felt like throwing up. We got on the train. We got off the train. We got on another train. (Because I’m only a lil bb, possessing only 17 tender years, I got to ride the Arlanda Express for free. All of the adult children feigned stupidity and bought senior citizen tickets instead of the full priced ones.) We got off at the airport. I didn’t think I was going to cry because I was so tired, but I was wrong as usual. Brooke and Oliver walked in and then I saw Emily crying and I just wanted to lay down in the fetal position for the rest of my life. Emily cheered me up by singing songs and doing interpretive dance and telling me the story about how she became Orky Idol and her name was on a sign welcoming people to her town of Orky in Canada. She’s great. I want a Pocket Emily to cheer me up every time I’m sad.

We said goodbye and everyone was crying except for Aakanksha who was too stunned to do anything but stare.

I don’t know what else to say. I feel like you all can understand how terrible it is to know that you will never see someone ever again for the rest of your life. I mean, there’s skype, but it’s not the same. I feel like Miles in LfA, wondering when he’ll forget Alaska’s name and when it won’t hurt so much to remember. So dramatic. Someone pinch me. God. I need to get over myself.

 <Emily and I < Sam and Beth <Brooke and McKenzie < Hugging Brooke goodbye <Me, Oliver, and Emily

  < Narain dying

 < SEE YOU SOON!!!!  < Breno showing off his cool shirt    

The Rest of The Day: 

We took the bus back into Stockholm so that the adult children wouldn’t have to pay. Narain was  silently crying, Breno was showing off his Alaskan presents Carley had given him, Emily was talking about YouTube, Somehow we all broke out into “I Dreamed a Dream”, I’m sure the other passengers were very confused and annoyed. The emotional distress we were all in was a little too overwhelming at this point for any of us to care though, I suppose.

I was a little upset that we were in Sweden at this point and not a country with a Denny’s because I really needed some pancakes and everyone agreed that Denny’s was what they were craving. Let it be tradition from now on that whenever something tragic happens, Denny’s is the place to go. Get some crisp bacon and maple syrup and put your head down on the table. Denny’s don’t mind. Denny’s will take care of you.

Tanner needed to meet his host mom at noon so Emily, Narain, and I all waited with him after grabbing some food from Coop. This ended up being not such a good idea because I was already dying and wanted to throw up from all of the stress. Yogurt isn’t something you should drink when you feel nauseated. We ended up at Espresso House later and then H&M to get Tanner a hat. I begged Emily to come with me to pick up my stuff from McKenzie’s house because I couldn’t bear to be alone. Have I mentioned how great Emily is?? She rode all the way with me to McKenzie’s house and back again.

When I got home I was a mess again and decided to try and edit all of the footage from the day together to take my mind off of things, which is the opposite of a good idea??? I ended up falling asleep and waking up an hour later still completely wiped. Today is a little bit better. I just want some pasta and a book.

BTW: Kate Recommends: The Fall (2006) and The Book Thief Movie. (Watch the movie before reading the book or else the movie may feel a bit disappointing in comparison.) 

I’m dying and I hate everything whymeeeeeeI

I made the post and then I tried to add the pictures and the computer froze and lost the whole post. So. I quit. I’m not rewriting it all, because now I’m in a terrible mood. You get the abridged version.

Friday.

no. nothing happened. I ate pizza. Here are those pictures I promised earlier.

I was so close.

this is ridiculous

Here are some more to tide you over.

secret agent man

tell me who you are

so mysterious

species please

what kind?

bird

this reminded me of the IKEA monkey

IKEA monkey

Saturday:

Cafe Dox exchange student gift exchange.

I didn’t participate because I suck at giving gifts.

It was nice

We went ice skating afterwards. I was wearing tights because all my pants were in the wash. I was super super cold (but also super super cute.)

Lots of kids had never seen snow or ice skated.

I was helpful. Made me proud to see them going off on their own. And sometimes they fell, But they got up without help, and that’s what counts.

We went to McDonalds to warm up and ate ice cream because we like to be ironic.

I got home at midnight because I was sitting with Narain and Tanner at Central Station for a few hours after they missed their train home. Had a little heart to heart. It was grand.

Sunday:

Went to see Catching Fire with Hannah, Emily, and Oliver.

The movie theater candy

Hannah is like the best friend I had in a past life, Emily is like the friend on the internet I never met in Real Life, and Olver is like the big brother who never came to stockholm with me.

If you guys ever run into these three, you’ll need to step up your wit-game. Clever sarcasm abounds.

Oliver and Narain

Emily and Tanner

Afterwards we looked at the NK display and had our minds blown.

Then we went to a trendy cafe.

Hannah’s bus home was coming, so we left really soon after getting there.

We ran to Emily’s host family’s apartment to get Hannah’s bag, and then ran all the way to the pendltag platform.

My lungs still sting from the cold air.

I think that’s it.

OH!

I might be moving to where Hannah lives at the end of the christmas break. So there’s that. No more living in Stockholm. It’s alright. Hannah’s the best. Also, music program at school. I miss singing.

OH!

Also, I’ve been staring at dogs when they walk past me, and then they stare at me and they stop sometimes and their owners are like ‘whatchyou doin m8?’ and I keep looking over my shoulders and I can tell the dogs want to be with me. This is my power. I can control the minds of dogs. My YA novel character power has been achieved, not a moment too late either, seeing as it should be at it’s full force around my 18th birthday.

How To Be Awkward: a guide

I just really don’t know how to make friends? Like I don’t want to appear clingy? But I also don’t want to appear standoffish? And so today when we were walking to lunch, I was waiting for Farida and then she was waiting for someone else at one point, and I just kept walking and then I got in the lunch line before them, and I didn’t know where to sit, so I ended up sitting with kids I don’t usually talk to, which I suppose is fine, but it felt weird and then when we were on the bus they were all talking to each other and I didn’t know if I was a part of their conversation, so I just stayed quiet and ugghhh. I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT ENTAILS. okay? I’m really into run on sentences if you hadn’t noticed.

Gucci has a cone on her head right now because she got in a cat fight and her leg got ripped open. She’s very sad and very noise and likes it when you scratch where the cone sits and I don’t know if I could handle Sneakers having a cone on his head because I feel bad enough for Gucci and I don’t even care that much about her in the first place.

That sounded cold. I care, but she’s not mine. I guess I have compassion for her. There. Compassion.

Cecil Baldwin saw one of his attackers on the subway so he took a few pictures of him, found a student who witnessed the crime, and they’re going to go to the police station together to make a report. HOORAY FOR JUSTICE! In other news, religion is interesting, but I can’t understand anything, only look at pictures. Astrid translated the pages about Ethics for me, so maybe I’ll learn something yet.

Question: when the college website says that I need to take at least five classes my senior year, do they mean that I need to pass five classes my senior year? I’m very stressed out about this.

I’ll have the music video ready for you guys next thursday. Wish me luck! (say: Lycka Till!)

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Golly, I’m tired. School starts at 9:50 usually though, so that’s a blessing I guess.

I made Mexican Wedding Cakes, but idk if people are eating them. I’m okay with that. I’ll eat them all. No problem. Farida wanted to know what MWC are, so I’m bringing some to school tomorrow.

Swedish people don’t have personal boundaries. I thought that because it’s a sin to make eye contact on the train that we all had a four foot bubble around us as well, the way it is in America, but no. My bubble has been invaded too many times today. All of the teachers were standing like six inches away from me and ever time I shifted away they would shift closer and ohmYGOD KNOCK IT OFF!!!!

I had English 7 first hour and we did one of those games where you take the role of a person who is stranded with a bunch of other people and for some reason you need to kill one of the others and you need to make an argument as for why you shouldn’t die and why someone else should. Our class killed the vicar, but we were only one vote away from killing the politician. My job as the psychologist got zero votes because I’m amazing.

The teacher came around and he asked me what I wanted to get out of the class as I’m overqualified to be there. I said I wanted to pass because I needed to graduate school and go to college. He didn’t like that answer. I don’t really know what he wanted me to say. That’s what I want to get out of all of my classes.

Next we had lunch even though it was only eleven in the morning and I took one look at the school lunch and went straight to the water. It’s a good thing it was so early in the day because I wasn’t even hungry yet. I sat with Farida and Aida outside the lunchroom and eventually we went to the ICA down the road and bought juice boxes and granola bars. I didn’t get anything because I left my wallet at home and wasn’t hungry.

We went to Humanities and the teacher tried to explain to me what we were doing in the class for our projects, but I didn’t really get it. We sat and talked all hour and didn’t do anything that I’m aware of. The teacher told me I wasn’t going to Rome with the rest of my class. Frowny face. Ah well. Jonatan asked me if I wanted him and Farida and Aida to show me around the city after school on Friday. (school ends at 11 in the morning so it’s not that big of a deal to do stuff afterwards.) I asked my host parents and they said I could go. So yay! Maybe I’ll make some friends and learn the layout of Stockholm!

I went home and finished my third book in three days and fell asleep. Tomorrow I start Jane Eyre. I read Ender’s Game, Divergent, and Insurgent in the last three days. On the fifth day I’ll reread Looking for Alaska and on the sixth maybe I’ll read The Alchemist and on the seventh I’ll do Airborn. I have a lot of free time that I don’t know what to do with yet, so I read to use it up. My swedish homework is mostly reading assignments, but every time I try to to translate it I end up with one page finished after three hours and I don’t really want to do that anymore because it’s hard and boring and I don’t think it’s going to really get me anywhere in class because I can’t understand what they’re saying when they teach us, so what’s the point of doing the extra handouts??

Tonight we had spaghetti, but the sauce was pureed mushrooms with bits of chicken throughout, so I just had plain noodles. Life. I’m so interesting. Please stop reading my blog. It’s a waste of time.

this is me waiting hanging out in the library yesterday when none of my teachers showed up.

Swedish fashion

Fashoon bb

the view from my Humanities classroom window. there aren’t screens on windows here. Apparently, sometimes people jump.

I think I might be going to Rome

School was superrrrr boring today. I’m sure it was interesting if you knew Swedish, but I don’t so I sat there bored out of my mind most of the day. Sometimes I make up conversations in my head like that Whose Line Is It Anyway? game where they sit in front of the black and white television and do voice overs. My favorite game to play is when I pretend that the teachers are mobsters and when the whisper together they’re talking about who’s next on the hit list and where to put the bodies. Anyway. I won’t bore you with all of my daydreaming and just get down to what you’ll all probably find interesting.

It’s time for another round of

HIGHLIGHTS:

1.  I got to school early to talk to the counselor. She wasn’t there. She’s going to be there tomorrow though. Probably. *sigh*
2. I went to Humanity class for 3 hours. I didn’t need to be there since I wasn’t registered, and I don’t think I’ll be going back. They made us write an essay about what it means to be human. I got really technical and politically correct and when I shared it with my group I found out that that’s what they did too. When the class started discussing the subject as a whole I think they got into an abortion debate. I heard the Swedish word for fetus a few times. I don’t know. Wouldn’t surprise me.                                                    When we got a ten minute break I asked the teachers (there were four of them in the room for some reason???) what the class was about and what we were going to be doing for the rest of the year, and they told me we were going to be focusing on what it means to be human and then we were going to be writing an academic paper about  for our final project. Yawn. The girls I was sitting with told me at the end of class that the highest grade that you can get on the final paper is an E. Well, åt helvete with that. I didn’t want to be in the stupid class anyway! I especially don’t want to fail it because it’s designed for you to fail. Why would I even try then?? Seriously! These people are insane.
3. Half of my class (H3) was in another classroom that focuses on architecture and is going to Rome in January for only 1,500 Crowns. That’s $230. They’ll be there for a week. WHAT A STEAL!! I’m going to see if it isn’t too late to join that class. It would be a good time to bond and see Rome again now that I’m older and cognitive. If they haven’t already booked the plane tickets and sleeping place that is.
4. We went to lunch. There were Pork Pancakes, Beef Wok, and Vegetarian Wok. I had some tortilla bread, a cup of milk and called it a lunch. All school food at every school ever sucks. This is the truth. These are the facts.
5. I went upstairs to find out if I made the choir or not. The results of my journey to the seventh floor are inconclusive. There was a list with six kids names on it and their vocal parts, but six kids a choir does not make. So. I don’t know if that was the chamber choir results or what. If it is, I don’t feel very disappointed because there were 30 or so kids trying out and that would mean 23 other kids didn’t make it. I don’t know. I’ll see what’s up tomorrow. Maybe I got the date wrong? The choir teacher wasn’t there to talk to me.
6. Today was Hugo and Saga’s birthday. There was cake and presents and I felt bad that I gave them their candy as soon as I arrived because I don’t know them that well and I don’t know what else I could have possibly given them on their birthday besides what I had given them a week ago.
7. I’ve had a headache for the past three days now. Ugh.
8. The Skarins won’t speak English with me anymore in an attempt to teach me Swedish. That’d be fine if they talked to me so that I could have some context. I have things I want to say, but dinner is just them talking really fast in Swedish to one another and I don’t know what the topic is in the first place, so how am I supposed to follow? Besides, no one has really talked to me in the last few days, so it’s hard for me to pay attention when I’m not involved in the conversation. I just kind of zone out all the time now. I should probably be using the time for productive thinking, but I’m so worn out by trying to follow along in class and keep up with all of my Swedish speaking classmates that by the time I get home I realllly bored of thinking so hard and not getting anywhere that I just want to sleep. I don’t know how to tell them that they need to speak slower or speak Svenglish when I’m around because whenever I’ve asked for that in the past they forget after two minutes. Whatever. SFF should be helpful.
9. I just started crotcheting Abby’s baby’s blanket. It’s going pretty well I guess. I need some sleep.

Current Mood: What Have I Done

 

Departure date: whenever. Probably in a week or so. Who knows. Whatever. It’s fine.

Threw away/Gave away half my room. Isn’t that a sign that someone is going to commit suicide soon? Is this a type of suicide? Probably social suicide. I could be ostracized by my peers. I know everyone reading this will think that that’s ridiculous BUT YOU AREN’T ME, OKAY. LET ME FRET, IT’S WHAT I’M GOOD AT.  I feel like I’m running away, only legally. I should write a book about that. Oh wait. (all of you who read the book I wrote about that should be laughing right now.)

Said goodbye to friends – check. Wait. Uncheck. They keep coming back to see me again and again because we don’t know when I’m leaving and there’s still time. THERE’S STILL TIME!!!!! This makes it worse though. I haven’t really seen them all summer until the last few days when they WON’T GO AWAY. Today they didn’t come by so I spend all day on the internet whispering swedish phrases under my breath. I still don’t know any Swedish. And I’m bored. And it’s 3am and I didn’t even notice. Ohmygod what am I turning into?!?!?!

                  MAIN THOUGHTS OF THE DAY

1. I am going to be broke when this is all over.
2. What if I don’t earn that one credit and can’t graduate high school????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
3. School starts in two weeks. WHERE HAS MY SUMMER GONE??????????????? I want to do something rad with my fly friends. 
4. I am going to gain so much weight no one will recognize me when I come back.

My only hope in all of this is that I turn out to be the main character in a bad YA novel. That way, when I’m the new girl at school all of the cute boys will like me and one of them will have super powers and I’ll be the chosen one to save him. Or he can save me and I’ll discover my super powers and dark past by talking to him in broken Swedish.

This has been a post.